As Sick As Your Secrets

I had a great conversation with my best friend tonight. About sharing struggles, mess-ups and overcoming it all.

She commends me on my bravery and courage in sharing what I do with the world now and days. I said it’s simply because I had to find a way to recover, and this was how I was going to do it…by sharing. Mostly on my blog. I share a lot of personal hardships and triumphs…things that are very raw to me. But it is healing to share this and down right freeing.

I told her that most wouldn’t choose, any day of the week, to take the route I took to get to this point. Not that I chose it either, but it is what it is. I flat out humiliated myself in front of everyone and I lost A LOT because of it. I like to refer to that as the time I went through exposure therapy. In the end, I found out who my true friends were and also who I respected and who respected me. In the end, it’s worth losing a lot to gain freedom from the chains that bind our hearts and minds. We are so afraid of what others think, that we can’t bare to admit our short comings or mistakes…god forbid, make them in front of them.

I told her that I am as sick as my secrets, the longer I hold them inside and let them fester. Releasing this allowed me to become more courageous and stronger in time. I have learned from the rooms of AA and recovery programs that talking about these issues stops the cycle in its tracks.

In sharing comes a freedom unlike I have ever experienced in all my life. I don’t care to a degree. I cannot afford to really care what people think. I have burned and learned in that department. It isn’t something I want to waste my time on anymore. It’s always a work in progress, but I feel I have come a very long way in a short amount of time, especially since I have found a creative outlet, such as writing.

I may look like a fool to a thousand, but if I have one standing by my side like I did tonight, I am okay with that. I have to be. I have no other choice. I wanna get better and quite frankly, it’s saving my life.

If we can help just one person by sharing our struggles, then we have done our duty in this life.

But first. First, you must help yourself. Selfishly, relentlessly and courageously.

Get over your hill, so you can tell others about how you got to those scenic views. As for me, I am still climbing.

Much love.

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