Today I cried.
And it felt good.
I don’t cry all that often. But boy when I do, I release some really deep, pent-up emotions…I suppose like most anyone does. But this time. This time. It’s different. I am crying sober. And that is new to me. I used to cry all the time while getting plastered in my room. But this moment was not like the others.
I was hurting deep inside for something I have missed for a very long time. I am starting, slowly, to realize that I have been doing it all wrong. I have been going at this sobriety all alone. Leaving out the inspiration and driving force behind me and my existence. The reason I am sober, writing and creating to begin with.
And that is a faith in something bigger than I am. Stronger than I am. More steadfast. With infinite amounts of wisdom and determination. Be it God, be it the Universe, or be it my Higher Self calling me…I know deep down that I have ignored this aspect of myself for far too long.
I missed that today.
Truly, madly, deeply.
And I fell in love.
All over again.
On the car ride home…smoking cigarettes and listening to chillout music.
I was thankful.
Thankful that things seem to be falling into place for the first time in almost 12 years. I cannot express how much of a relief that is. I felt deep within my soul. I overheard it through my guttural cries and all.
I was listening to The Call. How ironic, eh?
I came right home, got on my computer, churned out a poem, and put my tears in motion: Dear God, Where Do You Rest?
Then read it to my mother. And then she cried.
Nothing but healing vibes abound today.