Homeless

This Christmas, someone said to me, “I just want you out of the house. All of you.” It was in a tone as if to say, “forever.”

My Christmas present to them is this: Wish Granted.

I would rather live in a shelter or on the streets than deal with this toxicity for one more second. The call will go into today and I will pack my bags and bow out of their life.

It was suggested that I stick it out until I can get permanent placement into a recovery home. I was going to bite the bullet, but this morning threw me over the edge.

This person has given me more than I could ask for and for that I am thankful. I have said many things in my anger during my manic episodes that I regret. I have apologized and I simply do not know what else to do. It is no excuse to treat me like complete crap every single day of my life…to the point I spin into panic attacks that last for hours, to the point it ruins every single morning, and to the point that I spend most of my time in therapy concentrated on this person rather than my own recovery.

I am done. And I am going to be homeless. Thank God.

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9 Comments Add yours

  1. worrymesilly says:

    Oh sad, so sad. Hate to see homelessness happen.
    Happy you are taking control and thinking about what is best for you. I hope you find shelter that helps you get up and running again. Thinking of you and remember you may be feeling rejected but the reality of it is you are actually being redirected.

    1. Love that. Thank you. ❤ This will undoubtedly be an adventure. I am determined to make it a positive experience vs the lowest I have ever been. Redirection is a good thing most times. 🙂

  2. See it from the positive side: it could always be worse. I’ve slept in parks and I’m still alive, stronger than I would have imagined. I wish you all the best, that you get up and shine like never before and find happiness where you would never expect it ❤️

    1. ❤ Thank you! Bless you.

  3. blahpolar says:

    Shit … hope it all turns out ok and that you find a home soon.

    1. Thanks so much. I was told that the recovery house availability will open up very soon and that my application is with them. My best friend also just told me that there is a place nearby that can find me some housing in the meantime because it sounds like a crisis situation now. I hate to use the word crisis, but maybe it really is.

      1. blahpolar says:

        Ot sounds like a crisis – and you’ll navigate through it (people like us are better at crises than we are at the small stuff).

      2. I so agree with that. I can handle a crisis situation, but I can’t bare to open my mail! lol

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