Go through a little depression in this household and all hell breaks loose. God forbid I tell them when I am getting a little hypo. I swear, I am not allowed to be a human here anymore. I never knew it was such a battle to be yourself. Never in my life have I met so much resistance in being exactly who I am. It’s enough to drive someone insane and send them back to an institution. Change a little for the better, and that is too much for anyone to handle.

If I am not perfect in their eyes, I am a piece of shit. If I am not perfect, I am not worthy of talking to. If I am not perfect, I deserve to be out on the streets. If I am not perfect, I don’t deserve to be in the family.

Perfect by whose standards, anyway?

No matter what I do, it is wrong. Be yourself, but not too much. Clean, but not that way. Speak, but not too loud. Don’t talk, but speak up I can’t hear you. Drive, but not too far. Laugh, but not too loud. Stay sober but don’t talk about it. Relax but not too much. Read, but not all day. Write, but not like that. Live, laugh and love….but not in such grand ways.

I sometimes believe that people would be happier if I didn’t exist at all.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. yeseventhistoowillpass says:

    Then you are in the wrong place to be…

  2. Samantha says:

    I am going to hit you with my favourite Oscar Wilde quote (but only because it helped me get some things in perspective): Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.
    You can’t keep on changing yourself to other people’s likings, it will break you up. So even if this is a struggle now, you’ll feel a lot happier afterwards, when you showed everyone the real you. Keep up the hard work, I’ve been there too and I am rooting for you! 😉

    1. Thank you so much for that. That means a lot!

  3. worrymesilly says:

    Some just don’t get it, just do what you need to do to make YOU happy. It’s ok to makes changes in your life and people that care will follow you all the way.

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