Well, while I am up in the middle of the night… I may as well tell ya a little story about a few dreams I had right before all hell broke loose at the house a week ago.
I have somewhat prophetic dreams…I am still trying to get down the timing and the symbology behind them all. My late dog, Pock, comes to me in my dreams at unstable times … right before instability is about to hit. He never visits when things are stable ,,, only when he knows that Mania and/or Depression are around the corner. I have learned to pay close attention to these dreams over the last year. And I hold onto his visits and cherish them. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is there with me through it.
This time, just about the day the depression got really bad (rage/pms/full moon/whatever), I had a dream that I saw his footprint on the back porch at my parents house. I knew he was coming and it reminded me of the footprints poem. Then I went to move a chair, in the dream, and under the chair was a wad of his fur. Now his fur is significant, because that also shows up in real life around the times I need him most. I still find it on my hands from time to time and notice it because it itches at first and I look down, and voila!…there is a piece of his fur. Mind you, I haven’t seen him for about 5 years to the day.
The next night, as things were just about to get really bad at the house between my father and I, Pock visited in my dreams in the physical. He kept trying to wake me up in my sister’s room. I would wake up and be so excited to see him, knowing that he had passed on in the dream. I then would try to run down the stairs to tell my parents he had returned and couldn’t make it any further than the middle of the steps. I would then wake up again, in bed in my sister’s room, with Pock on the floor about to jump on the bed. I would repeat this over and over again about 4-5 times until finally I reached the mid steps and screamed in frustration that I couldn’t wake up for real out of my dream. I was just stuck in this cycle. It mimicked my frustration that was about to hit for 2 weeks after this dream.
I finally woke up in real life and still felt his presence in the room. I cherish these moments, as they are so vivid and real to me, but I have to admit that I was really frightened by it. It was definitely a warning of some sort. I just know he’s reaching out from beyond to comfort, warn and stick by my side. I held onto this dream throughout the depression and rage for two weeks. I am now leaning on his presence very hard these next few weeks here because things are about to come to a head with disability, something I have been waiting on for over two years now. I need him more than ever right now.