Two More Months

Two more months of waiting, as I was told yesterday! Yippeee! I don’t know how it’s possible to keep positive about it for that much longer. It really takes a lot out of me. I have found that I cannot do much in the way of fun (to get my mind off of it) for this sick fear of mine that I have that I will disrupt the process somehow. I don’t know where this fear comes from, but I can barely read, write, go out, listen to music etc…  I feel as though I have to remain catatonic and breathless as I wait for the decision. How sick is that fear? Who can live like that?

I almost gave up mentally on my IOP and therapy sessions. But in reality it’s the only mental break I get because I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do…to keep going. But my sessions will end soon, and then I will have nothing to fall back on. I could ask for an extension. But inside, I am crying like a little kid who can’t get what they want. I want it now. I need it now.

This will be a hard lesson in keeping it positive and building my confidence in this situation.

Nothing like a ton of set backs after working so damn hard on myself, prayer and positive thoughts. Way to go, Universe. Way to go.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. yeseventhistoowillpass says:

    My friend… It will all work itself out… Be good to yourself

    1. You’d think I’d learn after everything always working out in the end. It does. But I have not learned to accept it. I still worry and fret over the worst. It’s really hard to see when you are at the bottom of the pit. I work harder down here at trying to get out, but I don’t seem to get very far. Not sure if that made sense.

      1. yeseventhistoowillpass says:

        It makes total sense my friend. Own it rather than it owning you.. I suffered from mania big time but it subsided with age…

  2. Samantha says:

    My grandpa always said: just keep on breathing and then everything will be fine in the end.
    Don’t be too catatonic; while waiting for the outcome there’s two things you can do: worry about it A LOT and not worry too much about it (you can never not worry at all, heh). If you worry too much and you’re denied Disability, you’ll have double worries. If the outcome is positive for you, you’ll have worried over nothing.
    It’s ok to think about it and visualize a good outcome, but don’t let today’s worries wear you down tomorrow. It’s out of your hands at this point, might as well give yourself a break. You deserve it. And don’t forget there are a lot of people visualising with you 🙂

    1. Great reminder, thank you. Yes, it is out of my hands. I have put my request in and I have pleaded my case. Not much else I can do. And it helps a great deal knowing that others are visualizing this with me! Thanks 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s