Two more months of waiting, as I was told yesterday! Yippeee! I don’t know how it’s possible to keep positive about it for that much longer. It really takes a lot out of me. I have found that I cannot do much in the way of fun (to get my mind off of it) for this sick fear of mine that I have that I will disrupt the process somehow. I don’t know where this fear comes from, but I can barely read, write, go out, listen to music etc… I feel as though I have to remain catatonic and breathless as I wait for the decision. How sick is that fear? Who can live like that?
I almost gave up mentally on my IOP and therapy sessions. But in reality it’s the only mental break I get because I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do…to keep going. But my sessions will end soon, and then I will have nothing to fall back on. I could ask for an extension. But inside, I am crying like a little kid who can’t get what they want. I want it now. I need it now.
This will be a hard lesson in keeping it positive and building my confidence in this situation.
Nothing like a ton of set backs after working so damn hard on myself, prayer and positive thoughts. Way to go, Universe. Way to go.