THE FLIGHT TO NOWHERE

She always had an itch to travel and hadn’t in some time, so it wasn’t a surprise that after hours of restless sleep, something was unsettled in her soul.

Rummaging through her rapid-fire brain, she tried to sift through her thoughts. She jumped up in excitement as an overwhelming idea popped into her head, “Where do you want to go next? What do you want to do? The choice is yours, so make it.” She replied to her own thoughts as if they were a separate entity, “I need to clear my head and have a little peace. Hey! I CAN camp near Mt. Ranier. I CAN DO THIS. There isn’t anything stopping me.”

It’s a damn good thing I have a genuinely good soul, that my intentions were pure, and that I had an adventurous spirit that drowned out any negativity in my life, because, honestly looking back on it – things could have turned out a lot worse.

It was October. It was cold. And much colder 3,000 miles away in the North West. She packed her bag full with CDs, socks, jeans and one scarf. The details would be ironed out upon arrival. She had her parent’s credit card which would buy her a plane ticket, camping gear, and a car rental. It never occurred to her to pack insurance.

Visine in her eyes, and out the door she went..this time with her dog safely at her parents and door locked behind her. She didn’t explain where she was going to her mother, just that she needed to watch her dog for a few days.

She had her first psychiatry appointment in her life, scheduled for that day. It was of no matter. Everyone was watching.

I am sometimes convinced, in the end, that the fact that I believed that people all around the globe were watching my life unfold on some reality movie set to certain frequencies, that this is what may have saved me from doing anything harmful to myself or others. Kind of like God watching over your every move and having a child-like fear of punishment. Or was it because I was pure at heart and loved everyone and everything in a divine, all-encompassing light of Oneness?

As grandiose as it may sound, it was my reality. I had become God, and everyone was watching as the world was finally turning into the Utopia for which we all longed. I was the missing link. The first to do anything about it, but the last to know anything.

It was high time she caught up with the rest of the world. And she was about to do it in big ways. She phoned her friends to say goodbye as they frantically told her not to go.

I still have the one way ticket in my take-home box full of nick knacks and supplies, after I quit my job. I saved it as a souvenir…to remember the day I was too impatient to wait for the plane to take off. Everything was on fire, not just my mind. Every vein in my body bled flames. I was a tornado, burning her way through thoughts, actions, delusions, and life. I was super human. I was invincible.

Mt Ranier may never have been reached, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t climb mountains.

To be continued…

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