THINNING THE HERD

So, I sent off two sincere apologies to my family members this year, both met with no response whatsoever. Seriously, what is the point in apologizing for that which was out of my control? In my quest to understand mental illness on a deeper level, and in my quest for sobriety, I find that I’m either doing something right .. or very, very wrong. There is no way to know with zero feedback. I will continue on, apologies or no apologies. It’s tough being one of the FEW family members to stand up to the stigma that a lot of us suffer from, and not to get any sort of encouragement whatsoever. Boggles my flippin’ mind. It’s just flat out wrong, in my opinion. I feel like I have very little family left to count on, and very little real, true friends.

I am fed up, I am lonely tonight, and I am utterly disgusted. Let’s just sweep it all under the rug and it will just all go away! Great idea, cuz that is what I did for 20 years of my life and look where it got me! I feel like the weakest link, when that isn’t the case at all. But that is how I am left feeling. I feel like they are thinning the herd, and I am no longer included because I am not ‘normal’.

It’s a rotten shame too, because I feel I have a lot to offer to the face of mental illness and mental health. I feel I have a lot to offer to the creative world. And most of them see none of it. It’s all good though, because it makes me want to try harder at being a better person. They simply aren’t ready to handle the truth. I have little time for that nonsense anymore. If they want to live in ignorance, then by all means, do it. I no longer recognize you.

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