I laid down for a nap for hours. In that time, my dreams decided it was a great day to bombard me about absolutely everything I’m struggling with. At least the dream revolved around making love, so not all is lost.
On waking, I had a deeper understanding about why I attempted to end my life.
Despite the torment the last 6 months, despite my attempts to voice my beliefs, despite all of the loss and grief, despite all of the words said, the writing, the art, the phone calls and emails … despite all of this: I feel that I was never heard.
Not once by those on the outside, and by some closest to me.
You may not understand. And you may not comprehend the weight in living a nightmare to realize a dream. Not this dream anyway. Because, you may be too wrapped up in this world, the mainstream psychiatry and therapy. Too wrapped up in the opinions of others and those that just studied longer hours but have less brain power, soul n heart than you ever will or were born with.
It’s very disheartening. Disenchanting, even.
There’s a world outside full of magic. But your fear of the unknown snares you in disbelief. There’s a world out there evolving, but your fear of responsibility holds you back from transforming even yourself. Magic starts within.
You like to watch, because, let’s face it, it’s a fascinating train wreck with a glorious end.
At least I’m moving, despite a crash course from time to time. At least I’m on the right track.
Are you on track or are you just causing gaper delays?