It’s a gloomy and rainy day, so I decided to sift through my Google Drive to see where my head had disappeared to last year at this time. I came across a love letter written by a manic man with whom I fell deeply in love. He had a seductive way with words, and against my better judgement, I devoured every one. I branded myself insane the moment I fell head-first into the flames of mania-fueled love.
But, as with any roaring fire, passion is short-lived without stoking.
“It is you that spurred me to action. You say I reflect you but here I am in another state sleeping in a shelter because of a catalyst you set in my heart with just a few lines of words from you.
Your beauty soothes me in the turbulence I find myself in.. I sleep only a few hours since I’ve come to the light about medication, feeling the eminent danger all around me. And so I took flight, like a drone bee traveling to another hive. Like jesus running to another city as stones are tossed at him.
I wish to nuzzle my face in your breasts like a small child seeking comfort from his mother. I wish for my aching forehead to be rubbed by one who can understand the fire that our brain can feel.
I tell myself I can sleep whenever and it is true. Yet instead I will walk and walk and walk with feet that are telling me they can’t handle this anymore. Am I the fool that flits about the country that lao tzu warned about? I don’t know.
I am on fire. You have set my being ablaze with the cracks we must now fill with that gold dust you tell me of. Or is this state i am in something that should be… protecting me from the onslaught of danger that lurks at every street corner.
I am so gone to my being. So gone. I am lost and will remain lost till the day i am lost into eternity. And I would have it no other way..
Don’t consider it now but rather when the day comes. There are stars in the sky that want to see you and me together. Consider again.. and again.. until it sits just right with your being.”