All I remember was slurring words and hyperventilating, and I wasn’t even drinking yet.
First came the demonic slurs and then came the hyperventilating and crying deep, guttural cries from depths I was unaware existed. I don’t…or, rather, I didn’t even believe in demonic forces, although I believe whole heartedly in light.
I’m not religious and I’m no Christian; not anymore anyway. During my first manic break, I denounced Satan and all demonic forces. The best way to do that? Believe, in your heart of hearts that they don’t exist.
So, this is why my personal exorcism took me by surprise. I woke up in a terrible mood, slowly turning to rage through and through…like soaked to the bone through. I took my meds and even doubled up on anxiety medication and my Calm supplement, yet, nothing helped.
After I play-roled some conversations and told off the thin air, I started slurring my words and sounding like the devil himself. At that point, I knew I had broken through a new level, one which even despite my best efforts, I couldn’t control.
I was terrified. It’s good I don’t own a goddamn gun, because I wouldn’t be here. Like, I would have been gone many moons ago, but especially today. Total lack of control. Burning, skin-searing rage from deep within my core, out through my mouth which simmered off my tongue.
No one was around.
The only thing I can liken this to, is the energy release and cathartic origin that happens during intense mediation parcitces. They say, in the beginning, it’s best to do this with advanced practitioners as it can be an extremely intense process. I have experienced this first-hand.
After the release of anger and spitfire hell, I suddenly noticed a shift in the light in the room. It was as if I had just woken up to daylight. I kid you not, I had blacked out only to awaken to a bustling world free of pain.
Love poured in. I was touched. FLOORED.
And I cried.
I cried so fucking hard, I began hyperventilating like a child trying to console themselves. It was utterly bizarre and new to me.
Deep pain released like cotton in the breeze. Like dandelion seeds, dancing in the wind and carried off on their path.
Light. Weight lifted. Bright. Happy.
And I laughed.
Two days prior, an awakened friend of mine, whom I just met, but is dear to my soul…said he had been doing some astral work and clearing. In this release, my name popped up and to him and his angels did purging on my behalf. Purging of darkness into light. They had just cleared something so massive and heavy, even he didn’t have the knowledge of it.
I remember the day before and I remember the same feeling of peace washing over me after a bout with a terrible mood, anger and rage…exhausted through and through.
After, I was so sedated from love and peace, that I almost fell asleep.
I took one huge breath and woke up.
And I didn’t even believe.
And to this man, and others who have done this kind of work on my behalf, I just want to say THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU. May you all find peace, love and light in the midst of your work and divine gifts.
I have undergone tremendous healing.
Yet at peace.